Silent Cry

Okay ladies, I think at least once, or possible many times in our life, we have buried a silent cry deep within our hearts.  I can speak with much empathy on this topic.  Why?  Because I mastered the ability to cover my silent cry.  I simply walked through life with a pretty smile.  However, on the inside I was crying out in agony.

Needless to say, when God called me into the ministry, my silent cry was so bad that it was difficult for me to walk in a phony façade.  I was attending a lovely church in Anchorage, Alaska, and was beginning to feel my wall of defense come down.  Little did I know, I became transparent with my circle of friends.  I found it to be rather anomalous when my friends started asking me if something was wrong.  Of course, I continued to walk in my make-believe world, pretending my life was picture-perfect.  Nonetheless, I was only fooling myself.

After a short time of attending my church, I made the decision to become more actively involved.  So, I did volunteer work in the nursery and started attending Sunday evening Pastoral classes.  Well, God used those precious babies to show me just how much baggage I had buried in my heart, which would explain my silent cry.  Me being the fixer that I was, I got a little frazzled when I wasn’t able to comfort the little bundles of joy.  It seemed everything I tried only made them scream a little louder.  Needless to say, by the time their dear parents returned for their little blessings, I was ready to find a place of solitude.

It was while I attended the Pastoral classes that I discovered my calling.  One Sunday evening the Pastor asked each one of us to take a spiritual gift test.  I almost scored perfect in the gift of Pastoral.  I can remember thinking surely there must be some sort of mistake.  I went through the test more times than I care to admit, and each time all evidence pointed to Pastoral.  I genuinely didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry.  If memory serves me correctly, I believe I did both.

Now, I would like to fast forward to a few years later.  By now, I went through deep inner and spiritual healing.  I can recall one late summer day, the Lord spoke into my spirit that many of His women had a silent cry.  Instantly, I felt the silent cry that many women conceal, and my mind reverted back to my cry.  Ladies, I would like to encourage you that while traveling through your dark valley, the sun will shine again.  Please remember, the darkest hour is always before the dawn.  If you’re struggling with a silent cry, please know you’re not alone.  Someone is cheering for you.  Me!  You’re an overcomer!  It’s time that we women pull together and be transparent.  Until next time, stay sweet.

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